The Death of Self

“I had my own notion of grief. I thought it was the sad time that followed the death of someone you love. And you have to push through it to get to the other side. But I am learning there is no other side. There is no pushing through. But rather, there is absorption. Adjustment. Acceptance. And grief is not something you complete, but rather, you endure. Grief is not a task to finish and move on, but an element of yourself- an altering of your being. A new way of seeing. A new definition of self. ~Gwen Flowers~

Good evening dear ones. I know that it has been some time since my last post. Much has happened over the last several months and my urge to write has been lacking. However, today I felt the need. So here it goes.

When we lose someone we love, we grieve. Whether that person dies, or leaves we feel the sadness that comes with it. We take the time to remember certain moments and maybe have a good laugh or cry. The process takes time and as the quote mentions above, I don’t think we ever really stop grieving, especially if it was someone we were close to.

Today, I have been thinking on how it is people grieve for the loss of their own self. We spend a lifetime with ourselves and have hopes and dreams we hope to realize during our time on this Earth. What do we do when the life we thought we would have isn’t the life we end up with? Do you shout at the Universe? Do you blame others for not doing what they were supposed to in order for your life to turn out the way you wanted? Do you accept where you are and move forward? Do you allow yourself to grieve for what could have been? I know from experience that looking inward and trying to figure out where I stand with what I wanted and where I am now can be difficult. I spent years blaming my lot in life on this situation or that situation instead of allowing myself the time to be sad for what I expected to happen.

Then one day I decided enough was enough. I knew that the paths I had chosen were a culmination of the choices I had at the time and I need to be able to forgive myself for not knowing better. I took the time to let the grief of what wasn’t wash through me and I am working to accept myself, flaws and all. What had happened in my life led me to where I am today and I have a pretty amazing life. I have 2 amazing sons, 2 amazing step-daughters, a wonderful mom who helped shape me into the woman I am today, a wonderful mom-in-law who accepted me from the start, and an incredible and loving husband who is my rock.

My loves please be good to yourselves and each other. We never know what tomorrow will bring. Yesterday is past and tomorrow isn’t promised. Never let a day go by without telling your loved ones how you feel. Give yourselves some grace and time to grieve what may have been lost. Especially if what has been lost is yourself. Be kind, Be peace, and Be Love. -Live-Laugh-Love- Namaste